


Shooting Stars

by redandblueispurple



Series: Our Story [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Harry Potter, Blaise Zabini is a Good Friend, Blaise is a Softie, But like.... Lupin still ded, Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings, Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, Draco Malfoy is a Little Shit, Draco is Fed Up with your bs, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fred Weasley Lives, Gay Draco Malfoy, Good Blaise Zabini, Harry Potter is a Good Boyfriend, Harry Potter is a Tease, He lives because I'm soft and weak and I love him so much, Hermione Granger is Done, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Pansy Parkinson, Love Confessions, M/M, Oblivious Harry, POV Draco Malfoy, POV First Person, Pansy Parkinson is a Good Friend, Post-War, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Sad Ending, Save them from me, Sirius Black Lives, Swearing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Touch-Starved Draco Malfoy, but like, fluff mostly, fred weasley - Freeform, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-10-23 17:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redandblueispurple/pseuds/redandblueispurple
Summary: I'm Draco Malfoy, and if you're reading this, it means I'm dead. I wrote this to show kids like me that they aren't alone, a man named Ronald Weasley has always had access to these entries. If you're reading this, it means either he's showing you directly, or he followed instructions for once and published a finished and fully edited version of my entries. It's my story, the one about me straying from the path that was chosen for me. I gave up on pretending to be the perfect son my father, and embraced the broken disaster gay that I am. Yes, typically death comes at the end of a story, but mine began with it. Why should the retelling be any different? So sit back, delve into my thoughts and memories, and remember; there is always a choice. You just may not always like it.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: I will be continuing my other series, but seeing as I may have to turn in my computer soon, I'd like to have multiple chapters written and saved so that I can go in and easily publish each chapter. I have outlines of quite a few chapters written out for both series, up to chapter 12 on 30 Reasons, and up to chapter 6 on the other. It will take a week or two to have both fully edited and have all the details added into it. Hopefully, in between these updates, I will be able to update this story.

 

> "Sometimes the idea of being a father enters my head. I'm not exactly in love with the idea. I mean, what would I do? You know what I'd do? I'd just hang out with my kid-that's what I'd do. I'd read to him. I'd just hold him and kiss him and hold his hand. And when he was old, and I didn't touch him anymore, it wouldn't matter. Because every time he looked at me, he'd remember how it was when he was a boy. And the memory would be seriously beautiful. And we would be father and son." ~Jake Upthegrove; He Forgot To Say Goodbye, by Benjamin Alire Sáenz.
> 
> "...I've lived my whole life guessing. Guessing makes a kid tired and old. I don't want my kids to be old and tired. I want them to be happy." ~Ramiro Lopez; He Forgot To Say Goodbye, by Benjamin Alire Sáenz.

 

 

For all the kids who knew their father and wish they didn't. For all the kids who never knew their father and wish they had.

I've been where you are, guessing, hurting, confused. I thought there was something wrong with me, because why else would my dad hate me so damn much? At some point though, you just gotta say "fuck it" and decide what the hell you wanna do with your life. That's what I did, and I'm doing pretty okay as of now. I've done some shit that I'm not proud of, I've hurt the people I care about, I've hurt innocent people who I didn't even know. I didn't think I had a choice, now I realize, there's always a choice. You just might not always like the alternative.

After the war ended I decided I was done with the whole "Slytherin Prince" bullshit, I decided to take my life into my own hands. So now I'm sitting here, writing this all out, because I believe all you kids who stand in situations where I once stood deserve a chance to see what you can have if you just let yourself have it. Hell, I ended up with the boy I'd loved for four or five years, but I suppose that's for later in this retelling.

~ _Draco Lucius Potter_

 

I never knew my dad, so I didn't really have anything to rebel against, I guess? I don't know, though, I suppose somewhere along the way I took to rebelling against society. My father was killed by a sickening, cowardly tyrant. And my father was no hero, he was just as sickeningly cowardly. He was a major bully in school and chose his victims at random, which is the worst kind of bully. I guess he did give me something to rebel against, his name, and his legacy. For years I lived in the shadow of the circumstances of my survival. At some point or another I decided I was done being golden boy Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. I was gonna be Harry Potter, the dude who tried to become an auror having Expelliarmus as my only defense. And it worked, you know? I made a name for myself, and got everyone off my fucking back. I was done living for everyone else, and I'll be honest with you, I kinda hated myself for wanting more for myself back in school. And this guy who I thought hated me showed me how to think differently. I got into a lot of fights that year, because everyone refused to see him for who he truly was.

He made all the wrong choices. He was absolutely terrified. He hated himself for the things he'd done. He truly had no choice for the worst of the things he did. He was incapable of understanding why anyone loved him. He was angry and broken, and trust me, those two things don't mix well. Make no mistake, he was and continues to be the smartest, sweetest, most loving, most beautiful man I have ever met. But everyone has their scars, so while he recounts the past few years (and then some I'm sure) please listen, and know that throughout all of this I loved him. When he said everyone hated him I didn't. When he says he thought he could just die and no one would notice, I would have and I would have been fucking destroyed.

~ _Harry James Potter_


	2. One

My story began years ago, with a chance meeting and a right proper beating. But you all know that chapter, "Blah, blah, blah... Draco's a bully. Blah, blah, blah... Draco's racist (which, just to be clear, I certainly am Not) Blah Blah blah... he had no choice." That chapter is, in my opinion, the least important. While some may argue that it's the reason that I am the way I am, I know better. It was the next couple chapters where my heart and soul completely shattered into a million tiny pieces, and then some guy I'd known for years came along with a shit ton of metaphorical super glue and twice as much patience. It sounds much more simple than it was; some of the pieces got lost, some were destroyed beyond repair, some of the shards sliced through his heart. Those pieces we lost we had to rebuild together. So I've decided to start with the day that set the important shit in motion.

Allow me to set the scene...

It was autumn, mid-November I believe? I was in the Great Hall for breakfast one Saturday with Pansy and Blaise, the mail came through and I got a letter from the offices at Azkaban. Which meant one of two things, either my father figured out a way to weasel his way out of the whole "no responding to any mail" thing, or he died and they were letting me know. It may not seem right to you which one I was praying for it to be, but in all fairness, you didn't have Lucius Malfoy as a father for eighteen years. As I was debating whether not to open it, I failed to acknowledge the fact that the letter was in the form of a howler, and, well, you can guess how that went.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy! What kind of sorry excuse for a son can't even write his father every now and then? Need I remind you with whom your loyalties should lay? Shape up, or I swear to Merlin, I will have Narcissa pull you from that worthless school!"

The Howler destroyed itself, and everyone was staring. Everyone was whispering, snickering, pointing. I fucking hated it. I stood up, grabbed my bag, and stormed out of the room. I was halfway to the eighth year dormitory when Blaise and Pansy caught up with me.

"Draco!" Pansy came to a skidding stop in front of me, out of breath. "What's going on upstairs?"

"I'm fucking pissed."

That was Pansy's way of asking if I'm alright, she knew I'm very rarely "alright", so she stuck to asking why I was freaking out at a particular moment.

Blaise calmly strolled around the corner and walked around behind me. He laid his chin on my shoulder and hummed, this was Blaise's secret. He's secretly a major softie. "You can punch something in a minute when we get up to the rooms. For now, we'll get to the dorm's common room and you tell us what the fuck you're thinking to give you that crazy look in your eyes."

Pansy hooked our arms together, Blaise did the same on the other side of me. I roll my eyes and Pansy lightly kicked me in the shin. "It's us three against the world, Dray. Always has been."

I could practically hear the grin in Blaise's voice, "Always will be."

We walked the rest of the way in a halfway comfortable silence, I still wanted to break shit. When we finally reached the common room, I collapsed on one of the love-seats and buried my face in a pillow, letting out a good long scream. Pansy came over and made me raise my head for a moment so she could sit, then let me rest my head on her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and hummed a familiar tune. Blaise sat in the chair next to us. "You know, if you two weren't both gay as fuck, you'd make a cute couple."

Pansy and I both said "We know." at the same time.

We sit in silence for a few moments until I finally sigh in exasperation and stand. "You know, you'd think after almost dying several times, a man would be kinder to his son, yeah? You'd think the fact that said man who risked his life during a war without a wand just to be reunited with his wife and son would have learned that your son is supposed to want to be like you." I pace back and forth, running a hand through my hair. "But no! No, of course not with my father. Because Lucius fucking Malfoy is already so fucking perfect that he has no lesson left to learn. I'm so tired of his bullshit, Pansy. At this point," I laugh humorlessly and stop in my tracks to look her in the eye. "I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if I get disowned, I don't care how many times father uses the cruciatus curse on me, I don't care. I just want all this fucking bullshit to be over!"

Tears prickled at the backs of my eyes. I take a deep trembling breath and Blaise's voice cuts through my mind, "You alright, mate?"

"No!" I let out a yelp of frustration and turn and punch the wall, leaning into a right hook. I crack the wood and hold myself up against the wall, forearms against it and fist clenched. I lean my forehead against the wall and try to stop myself from crying.

I feel small arms wrap around me and turn, sinking into Pansy's touch. I bury my face in her shoulder and sob like a stricken child to their mother. This scene is the same one Pansy and I have repeated many times over the years, but this one feels different. Like there's a sudden air of understanding that I'm not as worthless as he makes me feel. A sudden understanding that there's a world outside Malfoy Manor. She pulls me over to a sofa and sits in the corner seat. I curl against her and Blaise comes over and sits with us. he awkwardly pats my shoulder.

After a few minutes of silence, I say, "Hey Blaise?"

"Hm?"

"Do you still have that stash of hair dye?"

Blaise and Pansy exchange glances before Blaise tentatively answers, "... yes?"

I nod and sit up. "Come on, then. We're dying my hair blue." I stand and walk over to the staircase, I look over my shoulder and see Pansy and Blaise taring at each other in shock. "Close your mouths, you'll catch flies. Are you going to help me or not?"

Blaise hurriedly gets up and rushes over to my side, "Yes, of course. Uh, come on then, I guess?"

I follow Blaise up the stairs and into the bathroom. Pansy grabs two chairs and meets us in there, I take off my shirt so I don't get dye on it and take one of the chairs. I sit in front of the sink and wait on Blaise. Pansy sits in the corner closest to me, "Are you sure about this, Dray?"

I nod my head and pick at my nails anxiously. "Yes, I'm sure."

Blaise comes back into the bathroom wearing gloves and pushing his sleeves up. He shows me a picture. "This color is Poseidon Blue, it'll look kinda like the top picture on your hair when I'm done. Is that okay?"

I nod and take a deep breath. "Yes, that's fine. Thank you."

Blaise nods and starts getting his stuff ready. "Alright, we're about ready. I'm going to have to wash your hair first, is that okay or do you want to do it yourself?"

"You can do it." I lean back so it's easier for Blaise to do what he needs to do. Once he gets started it actually feels kinda good. "God, why is being skilled at washing hair like, a thing?"

Blaise laughs and starts to rinse my hair. "You've never had someone else wash your hair?"

"No? That's weird?"

Blaise snorts as he dries my hair. "Whatever you say, Drake."

Once my hair is dried Blaise starts in with the dye, we all chat as he does so. While the dye is setting Blaise and Pansy set in on interrogating me about a certain green-eyed Gryffindor.

"Draco, darling, are you thick? Did you not see the worried look in Potter's eyes when you left the great hall?" Pansy pried.

I roll my eyes and cross my arms. "Sorry, Pans. I was a bit busy wanting to fling my father from the astronomy tower."

Blaise shrugs and hits my shoulder playfully, a smirk tugging at his lips. "A step up from wanting to fling yourself up from the astronomy tower, yeah?"

I smile and tilt my head over to look up at Blaise, "Blaise, my darling, I knew you cared. I'm the luckiest bride. Ravish me, husband."

Blaise snorted and kissed my cheek. "That's all you're getting, dear wife."

I hear a thud and turn to see Potter standing outside the door, looking in at us. His textbooks lay abandoned on the floor at his feet and his face has turned Weasley red. "Um, I, needed my books, to study. I'm sorry, I uh, I'll just leave now." Harry picked up his books and awkwardly shuffled out of the room.

I sit in silence for a moment before screeching. "FUCK!"

Blaise and Pansy both jump and look at me in shock.

"Fuck, I fucked it up didn't I? Shit shit, fuck, what do I do?" I turn to Blaise desperately. "What do I do, Blaise?"

Blaise rolls his eyes. "First, you calm the fuck down before you get hair dye everywhere. Second, you let your dye properly set and then I wash your hair. Then you deal with Potter."

I grunt in response and slump in my chair. For the next two hours, Pansy and Blaise build up my confidence and make me laugh. During lunchtime, Pansy goes to the kitchens to ask the house elves to fix us some lunch to bring up to the dorm. After we eat Blaise washes my hair, dries it, then styles it.

I admire myself in the mirror, "I love it."

Blaise and Pansy join me and put their arms around me on either side. "Me too." They say at the same time, they both look to the other in feigned disgust. "Stop copying me." They say, once again, at the same time before giggling.

I poke at my hair, "A bit, floofy, isn't it?"

Blaise snorts, "That's because you never properly dry your hair, you git. It's supposed to be like that."

I push him off me with a sneer. "Whatever, I'm going to the library."

They put their arms around each other and wave, Pansy puts a hand over her heart. "They grow up so fast, don't they Blaise?"

"They sure do, Pansy darling."

I flip them off without looking back and take the stairs two at a time, their laughter fading as I leave.


End file.
